“Oblivion” Review – The Clone Wars (Tom Cruise Version)


April 15, 2013 by Indru

So I watched Oblivion this past week-end. I’ve seen the trailer and it looked good, so although it featured Tom Cruise (whom I hate) I thought I’d give it a chance.

Now, it had Tom Cruise, and then a thousand more clones of Tom Cruise, so if you’re really into Tom Cruise, prepare to go deeper. And no, that’s not an Inception reference. Oblivion was very weak, one of the weakest SFs I have seen in a very long time (and I’ve seen plenty of low budget stuff, which was way better than this).

While the writing was terrible, and TC’s character(s) was/were very transparent (although I admit he still did a very good job with it given the circumstances, compared to the Jack Reacher epic fail), there was some humour on the line, which actually kept me entertained. But I am afraid that most of it was involuntary. There was this scene with Tom Cruise wrestling one of his clones, and it was like Tom Cruise wrestling himself, the funniest shit I’ve seen on screen in months. :)) They were wrapped around each other, trying to choke themselves (rather, one another) and it was supposed to be a dramatic moment, to inspire action and suspense… Instead I laughed like shit!

The two really awesome parts of the movie were God and Jaime Lannister. No, I’m not shitting you, Morgan Freeman was there, and so was Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, from Game of Thrones, Virtuality (have you seen that one? Pretty awesome, too bad it was cancelled and only the pilot got to be produced) Headhunters (I want to see that at some point) and the more recent Mama (horror flick, I’m not exactly anxious to watch it :P).

Now, I like both those guys, they are awesome actors, and for me, they made all the movie. Morgan Freeman had some epic lines (I swear to God – no pun intended – that this guy can make any line sound awesome, no matter how bad the writing is) and Nikolaj Coster-Waldau was EXACTLY like Jaime Lannister, only his armour was a Science Fiction black version of the Kingsguard costume from Game of Thrones, and instead of a sword he had a huge badass sniper rifle. Talk about pure badassery! This guy is the next Chuck Norris (his beard is awesome, I approve it!).

Conclusion: Don’t be impressed by the trailer. The movie is pretty weak. Not bad, but weak. It just doesn’t get to you. If you still want to see it, don’t pay for it in theatres, it’s not worth it. Also, hardcore Science Fiction geeks, stay away, you’ll be dissappointed. Unless you’re into Morgan Freeman or you’re chicks and like Nikolaj Coster-Waldau. 😀

Verdict: 5/10. And just for Morgan and Nikolaj.

Valar Morghulis!


4 thoughts on ““Oblivion” Review – The Clone Wars (Tom Cruise Version)

  1. Costi says:

    Ah, come on Indru, I taught at first that you were shitting with us about the clones of Tom Cruise…until I saw it 😦

    Actually “Oblivion” is almost a 1:1 rip-off of Independence Day but in the worst way possible. Why?
    1. I ain’t heard no fat lady singing! And that’s a clear minus for “O”
    2. BORING
    3. Alien invading Earth – check (A.I. still alien by definition)
    4. stupid alien – check on both, doesn’t need to explain why, see the movie (actually don’t see the movie, it’s boring)
    5. human resistance – check
    6. Nuke ’em. Let’s nuke the bastards – check and check
    7. stupid way to gain access to mother ship – check and check (ID was funny as hell at least, Oblivion plain stupid)
    8. both main characters waiving at the enemy before nuke – check
    9. him returning to her after da shit – check
    10.after 75% I was asking myself – when the hell it ends because my but hurts from the chair, which should not happen during a SF movie?
    11. just dull and boring…

    Actually the only differences between the two movies are just that ID was hell of a fun to watch and is still one of my loved SF movies, I admit it as a guilty pleasure (even if goofy sometimes and with some technological issue) and it had the American inspiring speech (best part always of any Hollywood movie). How the hell to make a SF movie about invasion with the action on US soil and don’t have a pro American speech? BOOOOOO!

    Not even Freeman with his exactly 5 screen minutes was able to raise the quality, but I loved his face at the end 🙂

    Listen to Indru, if you didn’t see it yet, wait for DVD, it’s cheaper to rent it.

    5/10 it’s spot on IMHO

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